June 7, 2010

Well…it’s been a strange week. My sleep has been next to nothing. Last night I watched the sun come up at 4 it was quite surreal because to me it felt like it should be dark. I quite liked it actually, was a bit trippy. I did eventually fall asleep at half 5 and wake at 12 so I did get 7 hours. So when I saw I get no sleep, I guess I mean at the time most people sleep, my anxiety is a killer at night time so I guess that’s what keeps me awake so I can see any danger that may come over of the dark.

I’ve had this problem with night panic as long as I can remember. I think it might be just because I was allowed to watch whatever I wanted whenever I wanted so at a young age I’d be sitting up at midnight watching Nightmare on Elm Street and The Omen, nice.

I’m an idiot to watch them now too but I want to prove I’m not scared and just laugh through them and when I’m alone, I go into total panic and sometimes can’t even leave the room I’m in. I’m not very clever when it comes to things I know I probably shouldn’t do, I just say to myself I’ll worry about it later.

For example, I bought Paranormal activity the other day, J said I’d get scared and then wouldn’t be able to sleep but as usual I told him it’d be fine and if i got scared I’d close my eyes and he could “protect” me. I was scared. I didn’t sleep. Still haven’t slept. Even though I didn’t find it that frightening, one frightening face, one jumpy part and I’m shaken for weeks. Images that come into my head the more I try not to think about them.

Sometimes I wish my parents at least taught me some common sense.

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