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Anxiety, Paranoia and the links to Self Harm and Suicide

June 13, 2010

For those that self harm, there are many different reasons why and one is a release. This what I want to focus on with anxiety and paranoia. The calming feeling that some may feel from self harm can temporarily relieve anxiety.

The point I am trying to make is that not everyone that self harms is doing it for attention, to seriously damage themselves or even because they want to die. Although anxiety disorders can lead to serious self harm and suicide. Imagine…you’re in a room of people and all you can hear is the thumping of your own heart in your ears, you feel feverish and teaful and can’t explain why. And you can’t escape, the longer you stay the faster your heart beats, the more you can’t hold back the tears and the hotter it gets and no one is there to take you away or protect you and as people start to notice your panting and panic they try and help but it causes even more strain and panic until you faint or others notice and help you from the room. As soon as you leave the room, you collapse to the floor in exhaustion never wanting to go back there again. The panic begin to fade and all you want to do is sleep, away from people and be alone.

For people who have regular panic attacks, or just have problems with severe anxiety, everyday life can be a challenge and extremely unenjoyable. A lot of people end of medication while other gets lumbered with breathing techniques that would be extremely embarassing to do in public but I guess it’s better than nothing!

Now paranoia, obviously can connect to feeling anxious. If you feel everyone is looking at you and talking about you, then of course you will feel very jumpy and anxious. Paranoia can cause a lot of pain in interpersonal relationship for example you may think that a family member is talking about you behind your back and become angry at them, yet they’ve said nothing behind your back at all. This will cause conflict because to you they definately said something so you will hold your ground and say they’re lying. Any relationship can be damaged with paranoia, some paranoia can be healthy because if someone has actually done something then it can bring to head truths that need to be resolved. But too much and you can end up alone and isolated. The anxiety that comes with paranoia can cause panic attacks, nausea, dizziness any of the same symptoms that may contribute to thinking you’re going completely bonkers.

I’d say I’m an anxious paranoid wreck a lot of the time but I guess that’s only because I’m being told what my family are saying behind my back and I always have reasons to jusify my paranoia. I think I have gotten better at not thinking people are looking at me in the street though I just think to myself “why do they care what I look like/what I’m wearing”. I still think they’re judging me occasionally but that’s probably only because we all do it sometimes.

Suicide happens when you can’t bear your own painful feelings anymore. Emotions definately are a killer. Psychs can be bastards and so can therapists but some can help you to improve yourself. Sometimes the reason they are “nasty” or “horrible” is because you don’t want to hear the truths they are telling you, given some are actually a bit dim and stupid but there’s always one. Self harm may be a temporary answer and parasuicide may be your only cry for help but remember that when the pain becomes overwhelming suicide isn’t always right.

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