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That feeling when you wish it were over

July 10, 2010

No this isn’t a “i am soo suicidal” post because i know how much trouble they can cause, crisis team and police rushing to the “rescue” when really they’re just as useless as if you weren’t suicidal. No, this is a “ground please swallow me” post, i’ve never had the courage to do anything really stupid because i know something stupid can lead to something permanent.

In a shop the other day I saw a woman with deep scars from wrist to shoulder and I thought to myself she’s still here, she’s working and she’s living a life, while for others would look in shock and disgust, I smiled at her and in my mind thanked her for still being here. In a way I wished I was her, I know I don’t know her story but she must have been strong, she smiled and didn’t look ashamed. My own scars couldn’t even match hers, mine will fade quicker, I just wished she would tell me the secret of how to keep going because sometimes it’s so hard to want to.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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3 comments

  1. That's a tough one. Sometimes I think the same thing and I always come up with the same answer. One foot in front of the other. Even if it's boring and repetitive. It is hard though and sometimes giving up seems so much better!~Sarah~


  2. I have managed to get around this issue by predominately self-harming on my abdomen, an area almost always hidden by clothes. But it's a double-edged sword, if you'll forgive the pun; those scars may be vile to many, myself included, but they are very much part of who I was as I cut them and indeed of who I am today. And whilst I'm not my own biggest fan, I'm not ashamed of being me either. [ Well…usually! 😉 ]That said, giving up is such a profoundly tempting option that I don't understand sometimes how I made it this far, and being right in the throes of some rather extreme suicidal ideation at the minute isn't great encouragement. But knowing this woman did it gives hope, so thank you for posting it :)Pandora ❤ x


  3. Thank you for sharing this. I found a quote that's both funny and yet true, but I can't remember who said it. it goes:"I'm not saying I want to kill myself, I just wouldn't mind dying."Some days I feel like that, some days worse. This post, as well as the comments, were an encouragement.



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