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Writers block- my update.

July 18, 2010

Whenever I feel my worst is when I either write loads or write nothing. I had titles, ideas but it didn’t happen. I went to my psychiatrist appointment in which my ex therapist turned up too, ergh, my boyfriend came with me and said himself that she seemed like a bit of a bitch. My psychiatrist is lovely though. I explained why I didn’t reply to a few letters and my nerves about CBT and his responce was “I work in mental health I’m used to being messed around but I can understand why and that’s okay”. He’s understanding, I do hate how they can all read body language so well though. At one point I just squirmed and he went “hmm that was an awful comment wasn’t it”. With my anxiety I find it hard to breathe which means I usually end up not being able to talk much, he said I wasn’t very open but would respond when prompted further and was made to feel more comfortable (he said this in a letter he dictated to a tape recorder for my doctor). He said out of the 5 things he could offer me only 2 may be beneficial. I don’t need hospitilisation or ECT and psychotherapy could be beneficial, maybe a small dose of medication. I knew he didn’t want to give me medication but I pressed the issue about my anxiety, so he said “you just need something to keep going for now, I understand” so I need a blood test and may be put on 0.5 mg of riseridone a day. My diagnosis is borderline personality disorder. That’s all for now.

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