Hospitalisation (Jamie’s request)

July 20, 2010

Though I have never been hospitalised myself, the hospitalisation of others is very frightening. As I can remember my dad has been in hostpital 3 times in my life time for psychotic episodes. I can’t imagine what it feels like to be psychotic but from the other side, it’s terrifying enough. I only ever remember one hospital visit, there one that stuck although I don’t know if it’s many experiences that I’ve pieces together to make one. I was only 6 after all. I remember being frightened of the people because they seemed unusual and as I’d only seen psychosis I didn’t know if anyone would suddenly burst and attack someone or start screaming things I didn’t quite understand. I guess I coped by crying, what is a 6 year old to do otherwise? I wanted my dad back. I didn’t know if he would be there forever, I thought he was never coming back and if he did would he still be scary or would he be “fixed”. Nothing was ever explained and it was all very overwhelming and confusing but I dealt with it alone. And that is how I cope best with things, on my own, I am unsure of how to work with another person to fix things because I was always alone when things got frightening. I would cry or sleep to make it go away and I guess that’s stuck. The other hospitalisations I think I blocked out, I don’t remember them, only the stages before hand. If my dad went back into hospital now, I’m not sure what would happen to me mentally but I think I’d cope differently to when I was 6 because of the understanding, although whether I’d cope less or more I can’t tell.

One comment

  1. the hospitaliation of a loved one is terrifying. i have just gon throught it recently and found it very ahrd to deal with. it probably didn't help that being put in the pysch ward is my own greatest fear.http://doyourememberthattime.wordpress.com

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