Guilt and Gossip.

August 9, 2010

Have you ever been made so guilty you had left something behind? I believe people who make you feel guilty to get what they want aren’t compassionate, aren’t caring but only selfish, they think about what they want you to do and if you choose something else then that’s not acceptable. And guilt tripping is the way that I have always experienced to try and get me to do what other people want…

Whenever I would return to this place after being away for a while I wouldnt be welcomed with open arms but cornered in an office with questions “where have you been?” “why haven’t you been?” “what illness?” “are you still in your relationship?” “what’s stopping you from telling me your deepest secrets?!” So I stopped going again. I tried going back a few times but the same thing would happen. I would actually be so nervous I would have to leave and only having my boyfriend there would keep me feeling safe.

I think another thing that shocked me was that even if I hadn’t been there the main culprit still seemed to know every detail of what was happening in my life and this means someone from facebook is telling him and it’s not my mum. I’m just astounded my life is such a big gossip interest. I saw someone the other day who said to me the usual “where have you been and why?” I just said I’ve been ill, hoping it’d stay at that and I could carry on with my evening and my anxiety would leave if they left but no, “what’s wrong then?” I hesistated and thought this isn’t any of his business really and I know if i told him the community would all suddenly be gossiping and my “illness” so I just shrugged and said just not feeling good.

There has been numerous times that something personal has happened and I’ve hardly breathed a word and suddenly I’d be bombarded with questions from gossip. A lot about my relationship which some questions have been horribly personal and when I haven’t given a good enough answer I have been pressed to “confess”. This is my relationship, what I do is my own business and nobody has a right, especially a grown man to ask about deep and personal things and press me further when I express feeling uncomfortable discussing it. If they don’t understand why I’m not coming back then they are blind to the distress I’ve been caused.

God knows I can’t live without my relationship, I tried because I was told by said person God said it isn’t right and I ended up in hospital so I believe it wasn’t God but him who was being ignorant and forceful. God wouldn’t tell me to throw away the person keeping me alive so I can be something I may not even want to be.

Again yesterday happened…this person said to my mum, I hear your daughter has her diagnosis. Get the hell away from my life and go and pray about your own “perfect” life. You don’t remember telling me this isn’t the life you wanted do you?

– Posted usingd BlogPress from my iPhone


One comment

  1. This sounds like a horrible situation to be in. I think staying away from it sounds like a really good thing to do. I hate it when people treat you in such a way that really shows how much they disrespect you or just plain don't care enough to accept it when you say you don't want to talk about it. I would running away from this person if someone was in my life like this too. I hope you are okay!~Sarah~

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