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I want help but I don’t want to change

August 17, 2010

I struggle with this a lot, I want help to not feel so depressed or hurting all the time but I want a magical cure, I don’t understand how me changing can make me happy? Change isn’t instant and if something isn’t instant I’m not interested. When I try and explain why I don’t like change then I get a few nods and then another subject. The word change for me means fear, the things that have mentaly changed me have been frightening. Psychosis of a parent. Panic attacks, abandonement, losing someone to another person. I feel anxious, sick, angry and jealous just writing it. Change has never been nice. Yet I hear it again and again, things have to change. Hm, good luck doc.

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7 comments

  1. I know the feeling. I have always been subjected to change; moving house, changing schools, a changeable mother… (Although, fortunately, I've never had to see her psychotic.)Acknowledging that I'm ill means I'm going to have to change my whole life – again. My routines, my personality, my habits, whilst having medications thrown at me and hoping that they do something – anything.


  2. As a elder once told me. You may someday have to change for evryone to see. but does that really mean you have to change whats inside? Be your self even if it being medicaded.


  3. Thank you both, It's hard to believe that change can't be huge when it's all you're use to.


  4. I know when I got told the same thing, I thought no way will I/can I change, but in the end I did change an enormous amount. Partly from not noticing I was changing but also partly because I wanted to change. I got sick of the bad reputation I had at the hospital I went to. Even security knew my name. That was incentive enough for me. The process of change though only started because of my people pleasing thing and then went from there. Thinking back I am glad I changed but the process was hard. I was told to change or I'd be in hospital for the remainder of my days. I couldn't accept that.~Sarah~


  5. All I can say is I understand, it's natural to feel that way. I've felt it before myself, and still do. Change is something you have to choose, it can't be forced on you. Give it time, keep yourself safe.


  6. I fight change as well. Thinking of you. x


  7. Thank you all so much, you don't know how important your support it ❤



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