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“You know your diagnosis?” “Yeah, BPD.” “Exactly.”

September 5, 2010

 

When I was first told I had BPD I was sort of happy, it wasn’t bipolar or anything that meant psychosis could be on the agenda…but since then I’ve realised that I’ve been given one of the worst diagnoses and not because of the BPD itself but because of the stigma and views on BPD.

Now I think, if i had a mental illness that people could accept then my difficulties in everyday life and pain could be more understood by others. But then when Dr SJS says that he’s worried about me having bipolar my heart sinks. Sometimes I’ll be watching tv and it’ll pop into my head, “you have a mental illness, good luck with this one”.

I think the trouble with BPD is that all our coping techniques are learned and we have to unlearn them whereas mood disorders are treated with medication. We have to talk and talk and talk and hope we are “cured”. Yet it’s like saying to a bird, “stop flying”, we survive with these ways of thinking and taking them away can be terrifying because then we can’t fly and if we can’t fly, we’re vulnerable. Sorry if i’m babbling I’m a little drugged up, my meds makes me a little woozy. That was my little rant for today. *goes to bed feeling sorry for self*

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5 comments

  1. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in 96, i am now medication free living with this illness
    and I’m happy and enjoy life to the full. Mental illness doesn’t have to be the end of life itself


  2. I like your blog, I love the way you write. I only just found it via someone else (I can’t remember which blog linked it I read that many!) I was diagnosed with BPD a number of years ago but went undiagnosed for a number of years because I didn’t talk about things, once I did I was shipped off to group therapy for people with BPD, trust me the blog I wrote then made comical if not tragic reading at times! Now I have BPD traits and Bipolar Disorder type II, I always said I had Bipolar Disorder but the Psychiatrists in the NHS refused to diagnose me. I have an Auntie with Bipolar Disorder and a cousin with Schizophrenia. As for me, in two weeks I am supposed to be starting my own Mental Health Nurse Training… ta da, decided to go full circle from patient to nurse, but things are a little pear shaped now, had an high manic episode in July / August and found myself in the depths of despair and under the CHRT this past few days… so not sure what is happening with uni. Feel free to check out my blog, I deleted my old one last week (moment of slight madness, the new one is password protected, but if you would like the password just drop me an email which you’ll find on the blog!)


    • Thank you so much, I love to hear that people like my writing! 🙂


  3. You make perfect sense.

    I hope you can learn to be happy without “flying”.

    Penguins can’t fly and they seem happy.


    • Aww that’s such a sweet way to see it, I shall be using that in a future post, thank you xx



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