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It’s been almost 2 years…

September 11, 2010

Two years ago we were falling in love, we’d already held hands in a childish game and felt the butterflys. You told me I was the pretty girl with the black hair who sat at the back of the chapel. It was the first time a boy had called me pretty and it meant the world. I wanted you for mine from then on. I opened up to you and showed my real self without thinking because if you didnt liked me for who i was then it wasnt to be. I hinted for you to ask me to a dance and you did even though youd never even think of going to something like that. You did for me. We met at borehamwood station, you wore the blue suit. we walked and talked nervously, we were near tesco and you stroked my hand and i held it, feeling nervous but so happy. Remember it was section H? We went to the fields and joked about my lake which wasnt a lake at all. We cuddled under a tree. You spent the time at the dance eating ice cream and when i was beginning to doubt things between us you held me and told me i was better than food. I didn’t want to be without you but i was also frightened of you, i didnt believe anyone could really like me. I wore your gloves all night. I told you I loved you. A few weeks later we met again in st albans and went to town. I kissed you for the first time and from then on when we met we would kiss until we couldn’t anymore. You were adorable and completely perfect. Things went on and my first relationship was proving hard on emotions due to fear of losing something so new and wonderful id never had before. I would be protective and jealous. You would be patient and loving. You stayed. I left school, things went downhill I loved you but I was scared, emotionally unwell. I left you and I’d never cried so hard in my life. I couldn’t bear it so I decided that if religion would do this to me then i dont want it. You took me back. We were engaged but I got scared. All the doubts and fear would come back and becoming more and more unwell this behaviour continued until one day I almost died for you. You were at a loose end and I wasnt making sense, you were hurting, I was feeling tortured and confused and alone. I needed your arms around me to make me safe but you werent there. I was sure I was finished, I couldnt do it without you. But you still loved me. And you held my hand and kissed me and held me and made me feel okay again, you saved me from myself when all I’d done was hurt you. And I never stopped loving you. I went to hospital and you were there, i was almost put into a psychiatric unit, you were there. I began to see a psychiatrist and you stayed. I found out I was mentally unwell and you stayed. To you, i wasnt crazy, I was the girl you love. It’s been almost 2 years…I love you.

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5 comments

  1. Wow, Maybe: that’s all. Just wow!


  2. That is lovely. x


  3. Nice to read something honest for a change. Thank you. X


    • No, thank you for reading Clarissa πŸ™‚ x



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