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My first CBT.

September 17, 2010

I just realised I forgot to write about my last session with Dr L so here it is: 

She said that from my questionairre the biggest problem was social anxiety…so now I have the social anxiety disorder label. I’m one who likes labels though I feel it helps me understand my behaviours more. Anyway, that was the biggest thing and then there was my relationship, the relationship not being the problems but the fear of losing it and my HUGE abandonment complex. Basically, if I lost him, I’d top myself. Apparently that’s not good. And she said that education and work was the third biggest problem although now I’ve started my own jewellery business and have my blog, I feel okay about not being in full time education like most other people my age. She explained that I need long term therapy but unfortunately it can’t be offered for a whole time with one person which really irritated me because of my abandonment complex, I will get used to one person and then get passed on. I’ve been too used to this. I also mentioned that a friend of mine was distraught after her therapy being abruptly ended and her abandonment issues kicked in. She agreed that this problem arises a lot and sometimes they make people worse rather than better because of this. But due to cut backs I can only see her for 5 months and then I will get passed onto somewhere half an hour away for some kind of group therapy. I don’t like the sound of it. After this she said “Okay, let’s get started” and I just burst into tears. She thought It was because I’d been disappointed but no, I replied through gasps “I just wish I didn’t need CBT, I don’t want to be ill.” So I never did have my first CBT session, she made a list with me of the advantages and disadvantages to help me feel better about having CBT and we came to the conclusion that if I didn’t have CBT I would probably end up killing myself at some point. Even though there were more disadvantages of having CBT I could come up with, the suicide thing kind of took over all of it.

I’m having my first session next wednesday and every wednesday after. Wish me luck.

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4 comments

  1. […] of a Maybe Borderline is starting therapy. She explained that I need long term therapy but unfortunately it can’t be offered for a whole […]


  2. Hi,
    I’ve been told for the last year or so that I should try CBT. Unfortunately, I’ve also changed GP’s and Trust areas a couple of times, so haven’t actually tried it yet. Like you, I’m a bit apprehensive about possibly losing the therapist I have learnt to trust before I am ready to, and I also worry that maybe having to face things that will make me worse before I get better?! But I’m starting to feel ready for it. I will be interested in reading how you get on and what you make of it, and really hope it brings you what you would like it to. Good luck for Wednesday!!
    Rose 🙂 X


  3. It truly is sad to see how little time is available to people who really are in need, I just hope you can progress well while it lasts and be fit enough to overcome the loss of it when it is indeed over.

    x


    • I dont think i’ll ever be able to cope with loss :/ especially of something that could save my life xx



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