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More than a few reasons for abandonment issues

September 24, 2010

I always thought my abandonment issues stemmed from my mothers frequent holidays when I was little and feeling unsure if she’d come back. But I just realised a few more things that may have screwed with the original worry and even given me confirmation that all the people I care about infact leave me. This is only a recent development in the past year but extremely significant nonetheless.

Last year a family member revealed that he had a 4 year old child with someone other than his wife. This woman was a big part of my life and felt like a mother to me. Even though we weren’t that close and didn’t see eachother other than family occasions (easter, christmas etc..) she would always light up the room and as she married into the family she was different. My family are quiet and can be vere negative and judgemental people but she would make a room lively and I always loved seeing her from a young age. She made me feel comfortable in a room that otherwise would be quite awkward with forced conversation. When I found out I wasnt shocked, I just thought oh no another issue. Then a few weeks later I heard she would never see any of us again because it hurt too much. I knew holidays would never be the same again and I cried because it was like mourning someone who had made family life bearable from birth.

Now at holidays, He’s there and so is his child and so is the mother of the child, even though they are not in a relationship. Apparently she is part of the family now even if she isnt in a relationship with him. And oh how they adore the child, I’ve never seen such infatuation, which of course I don’t recall recieving as a child. I played with her and didn’t cause a fuss, my mum did and got told to piss off. When i express views that are similar to my mums the family believe that she has brainwashed me, as if I don’t have my own independent view on life and it’s conflicts. My mum’s views are the last I would copy if i didnt believe them. They want me to be really close to my new cousin and try and blot out the reason she’s there. There seemed to be no condemnation of his actions just complete acceptance and happiness at a new family member. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with the child calling my grandma by the same term. Shes been my grandma and only mine for 18 years. And I’m supposed to deal with this like an adult while they act like nothing bad has happened. I’ve lost someone extremely important to me and it hurts like hell sometimes I will just stop what I’m doing and cry because it feels like I’ve been abandoned. By her and by my whole family who have a new focus. I don’t blame her though, she is a wonderful talented woman and deserves a much better family, I just wish I could still be part of hers. I love you Lucy, please don’t forget me. I’ve always needed you and now I don’t want this family anymore.

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2 comments

  1. […] of a Maybe Borderline considers abandonment issues. I always thought my abandment issues stemmed from my mothers frequent holidays when I was little […]


  2. I agree fully, it is just horribly how someone who was clearly a caring, loving person, is forced out and made to fend for herself because of one selfish coward’s actions.



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