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My treatment at CAMHS.

September 28, 2010

CAMHS is where children and adolescents in England get help for mental health problems. I had my therapy at a community centre in an upstairs room where we would sit in a large room with my seat about 10 ft away from hers and with music playing downstairs and through the ceiling because there were elderly people having dancing classes.

My therapy had no real structure and no real objective, I just felt like I was being put in a room with a woman I didn’t really like. I became scared to actually go because I felt that every week I would get in trouble for not doing anything. I turned into the frightened little girl again. I explained that I wanted to see a pshychiatrist because I was feeling suicidal.

Now this is the hideous part, I am quite breathless right now with chest pain but I’m going to write it no matter how much it hurts.

The Psychiatrist, I believe, is the reason I am where I am now. I explained my fears of abandonment with my boyfriend and here’s what she said…

“Go back to school yourself, go to Uni, don’t hold onto him and waste your life. Let him go to Uni, he won’t wait for you. Do you expect to sit there and dream about your perfect life, where he comes back and still wants you. He’ll see this world open up to him and realise he wants to get out there, not get married and settle down. He’ll find someone on his course who shares his music interest anyway, won’t he? And you said you left your religion where you met him, even if he doesn’t believe it he won’t be with you because his parents are religous and wouldn’t let him, they would want their son to marry someone in the religion. They wouldn’t want him to marry you if you aren’t in their religion, it’s how things work. I did everything my parents wanted, I went to Uni and became a doctor because that’s what my family wanted. Kids do what their families want, he won’t rebel and be your knight in shining armour and go against them. Hmm? You shouldn’t even be engaged if you’re self harming, if you don’t like yourself how can he? You shouldn’t get married. And I see you have a side fringe that covers a little of your face, I’m guessing you think you’re unattractive. Do you cut yourself because you’re a goth? You don’t need meds, go back to school. Is there anything that troubled you in what I said?”

Obviously my own disgruntled grunts were edited out. But that was the basic gist. Now what I was saying in my head:

I am allowed to be engaged to him if I am in love with him, it is not her right to tell me that if i dislike myself sometimes I shouldn’t get married. She had no right to tell me that he will only go off with someone at Uni because of shared course interests. She had no right to paint a picture of a pathetic little girl waiting for her dream man to save her, she made me feel like a pathetic piece of rubbish.

She also seemed to have spoken to his parents about our relationship and they’d told her that they want their son to marry within the religion even though he isn’t part of it himself. Although, if he’s not in the religion doesn’t it show he has gone against his parents already and has a mind of his own?

Oh and the fringe, I have it because I like Cheryl Cole, bitch.

Don’t you love sympathetic psychiatrists who confirm all of your abandonment issues and tell you that of course you should worry about being left and that you don’t have a right to be in love or engaged? 🙂

It’s been almost a year since that has happened and I think it was right to come out now. We are still together and very much in love.

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8 comments

  1. I once had a counselor tell me that I was doing so much better and follow it up with “when you first came to me, you were a basket case.” I said “excuse me?” I don’t care how “crazy” a client presents as, you don’t ever refer to them as a “basket case.” Of course I was a “basket case.” I had been raped six months earlier, silly bitch! That’s the reason I was going to her. That’s the last she ever saw of me.


  2. ((((HUGS))))
    i am sad to say this does not surprise me. how you were treated is so wrong. most psychiatrists do not “get it” almost word for word transpired with my girl and a psychiatrist. they have their big friggin egos and really are there for themselves, not the patient in need of help. and society wonders why people with mental illness will not get help!! they are put down over and over and it is wrong.
    i will never stop my fight for rights of humans who are ill with mental health issues. its an uphill battle everyday.
    hugs n luv (squeeze)


  3. Utterly pathetic.

    I had a CAMHS psychiatrist when I was about 15. She was nice to me, but…

    Well, that was 12 years and you know where I am now 😉

    I understand that some of them are reasonably good, but certainly not all. It’s particularly galling because, if they were actually half-decent when we were kids, maybe we wouldn’t have to use services when we’re adults.

    Hugs hun xxx


  4. The side fringe is a sign of omgz teh problemz? Did she learn psychiatry with Nicky Clarke or someone?


  5. “Do you cut yourself because you’re a goth?”

    A while back I got referred a patient by a child psychiatrist. I was reading through the psychiatrist’s notes, and found the following entry – capitalisation included.

    “Is an EMO. (Doesn’t cut himself)”

    …At which point the entire office started to wonder why I was doubled over the notes laughing.


  6. damn. what a bitch.

    I always feel slightly out of the loop b/c my psychiatrist is lovely and very very good…and well I really like her. I see her every two weeks now and I used to see her every week or even twice a week.


  7. WTF? Poor you – what an insensitive, incompetent bitch. No wonder so many of us end up high on all the drugs – that’s better than facing up to a cow like that in the short term…

    Jeeeeez…


    • I think she may be the reason I am so bad now in all honesty. She completely screwed with my head.



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