Psychiatrist appointment of the month…

October 7, 2010

Dr SJS as always was lovely, he warned me that there was going to be someone else there today and I didn’t mind she seemed nice. I was asked to tell her about my childhood experiences and the repercussions that ended in me being under the mental health act, I felt slightly important. I liked that when he waslked in he said “I’ve known her since she was a baby.” And he has because of he was my dad’s psychiatrist when he was hospitalised, go figure. It made me feel like his special patient and more important and with BPD feeling like the only one is vital. You want to feel like the most important patient your psych has or even imagine that they don’t see anyone else. Well I don’t anyway because I”m not good at sharing people I like. But anyway, that was a good start, I spoke about my appointments with Dr L and how they were going well and that I liked her and the way we were working, I had to show him my scars as usual and he just smiled and nodded, as if expected because I always have something to show him. He spoke about my risperidone and how it was going, asking if I need another prescription which I don’t I’ve only taken 7 in the past month and had 28 to begin with. He, again warned about the side effects of taking too much and that I can take more than one in need but to be careful of weight gain and that too many will make me inflate and may even mimic pregnancy that I lose my menstral cycle. But that is 10 times the dose I’m on but a warning nonetheless, his ways to stop me overdosing are to tell me I’ll get fat. Clever man. He talked about me escalating and that I am grounded for now because I’m nothing like Angelina Jolie and Britney spears who he described as chaotic borderline. I didn’t tell him I adore Angelina incase he thought I would mimic her “narcissism.” He said that to be a narcissistic borderline you’re usually famous and talented. Obviously my thought was “Are you saying I’m not talented?” but I recognise these silly thoughts now and brush them off, he wasn’t saying that. I would hate to be famous anyway, being the centre of attention is my idea of hell.

I think he was trying to show off a bit to the trainee psychiatrist, he is a brilliant doctor and I trsut him with my life because he’s helped my dad and I can’t thank him enough for that. He is a show off though. A little narcissistic 😉 I got the question again “is life worth living” and he put me in a good mood so I just said “I guess” as usual. He didn’t ask me why it was worth living this time though, I think it’s because he actually believed me this time. Apparently I’m going to have to have blood tests every now and then because of my meds and they ALWAYS want your left arm, conviniently the one that’s most deformed. When you’re feeling like you’re going insane the last thing you want to think is “I have a blood test, I better not”. I’m seeing Dr L for my third CBT next wednesday…I’m anxious to move forward.

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