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Dr L part 4: Not much to report.

October 20, 2010

I think if I tell you about every session with Dr L it will only get you terribly repetitive. We talked about my fear of recovery affecting my writing, she reassured me that recovery is the key to real life changing writing. That my writing won’t dissapear because I can’t write about being ill but it will give so much more to write about. I told her about how I called a friend about a problem I was having and she had a grin on her face (I have dependency problems and only really go to my boyfriend about my issues). I don’t know…I don’t feel that CBT after only 4 sessions can suddenly have a big change on my life so I don’t want to think of it that way as we haven’t have enough time to really work through things thouroughly enough. I’ll just see them as random acts that I chose to do on my ways to recovery- which is fricking terrifying.

Now after my appointment my dad’s psych arranged an appointment for him straight after which I attended. His CPN, B, was also there. B knows me well as I’m always there when he comes to see dad. I recognised Dr G and wonder if she had some role in my childhood like my psych Dr SJS, I mean the receptionist welcomes my dad by first name when he comes in. Anyway, this was all to do with my dad’s increased anxiety and restlessness and they came to the conclusion to remove the Citilopram and carry on with sodium valporate and risperidone. So if he’s down in the next week I’ll know why. I think I fear Mania and Psychosis more than Depression and B is going to be coming over every now and then to see how things are. Then we spoke about the MH social groups dad attends and how they are now making people pay if they have over a certain amount of income. Unlucky for dad he’s just got an endowment through and the mortgage is already paid so now he is above the limit of money and would have to pay £35 a week to go to his groups. What a joke. According to the bank, the benefits dad’s getting right now means that all his money will be gone in 5 years. This is before any cuts. So he may be losing a social group, which is so beneficial and all because he has money and doesn’t want to pay £35 a week because of household bills already eating £400 a month of his money. Is anyone really winning with this?

Anyway, Dr G said that apparently if you’ve been hospitalised and classified as section 3 then you can get it free whatever money you earn but dad had only been section 2. So dad mimicked strangling me and we all laughed…I felt a little uncomfortable though.

The things you have to find funny when your life is crap, eh? So basically…dad’s being taken off anti D’s and he’s too rich and not crazy enough to have free socialisation …Hm.

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