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Numbing: A comforting defense mechanism.

October 21, 2010

This will only be short, I need my beauty sleep.

As all people with BPD, I have massive innapropriate moods swings. Lately, I’ve lost them, I’ve become very numb. My angry outbursts at my boyfriend for excessive gaming are gone, I no longer cry about feeling neglected, I haven’t cut myself over it, Dr L was confused. I’ve done it again, from one extreme to another but I’m sort of liking this one. I’ve stopped caring and numbed myself to the things that usually hurt me. It may not be a helpful mechanism but it’s so much less draining and I can breathe without pains in my chest. When I cry and scream, he continues gaming yet I feel like shit. When I don’t care, he carries on gaming but I’m not emotionally drained and I don’t hate myself. It seems good…for now.

Criteria 7 isn’t it…chronic feelings of emptiness. Hmm.

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3 comments

  1. I wonder what the numbing is really about. My bpd g/f often gets to feel completely numb and claims to care about nothing at all. I’m sure that actually the numbing is about pushing away painful emotions that my g/f feels she either can’t or just doesn’t want to deal with.

    Any thoughts anyone?


    • That sounds right. I just dont feel I care about anything sometimes.


  2. Is it numbing ? or is it healthy? when I get like that I finally feel I’m in control of my emotions and it’s absolutely liberating. Is it really more of a letting go and realising that you can’t control another person or a situation? It depends what your thoughts are at the time. If it’s “I have to take care of myself, I cannot change him. he isn’t responsible for my happiness? then that’s good and healthy, the numbing could be an added thing where you feel they have lost some of your respect for not listening to you kind of feel they don’t deserve the amount of energy you have given them and the relationship in the past. I mean if someone knows that something bothers you and they just keep on doing it then that’s not very nice is it?
    Sometimes as bpd’s we can think everything we think,feel or do is wrong. We aren’t walking around with every wrong emotions, just sometimes exaggerated reactions to normal every day ones that we still have the right to feel and experss. It’s more how we express them, feel them that is the problem. That’s where the cbt can help. because we can stop and think about how we are feeling rather than just run with the feelings and go blarrrrrrrrrrr!!! at someone or at ourselves. We can reframe things, we can help ourselves to react for how benefit when someone is iether disrespecting us or we feel we are being treated badly. We can learn to walk away, we can find alternatives to past reactions and behaviour. But hey we aren’t perfect, we like everyone else are a work in progress.



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