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The Confusion of Love

October 28, 2010

No this isn’t another lovey dovey post, this is something very scary and ultimately serious.

When you grow up, you gain what you to believe love is from your parents. So when you get mixed messages it can make love seem very odd and confusing in romantic relationship. A lot of people abused by their parents end up in abusive relationships later in life and some people think it’s just coincidental. But in a way it’s what we know as love. I’m not in an abusive relationship just to clarify but I do sometimes wonder why he’s so nice to me when I know I would let him hurt me. I remember after being with him for a few months I thought…he’s so nice to me, I didn’t expect this to be love or is this not love? If its not what is it? It was like ecstacy to be treated so wonderfully and still does yet when we argue it makes me feel safer. Because perfect love would make me feel suspicious.

A friend of mine with BPD and Bipolar spoke to me about this, her many abusive relationships because if her parents abused her and her parents loved her then weren’t they one in the same? Abuse meant they loved her. She craved the wrong kind of men because they were exciting, dangerous and they would treat her like her parents, with their love. I understood everything she was saying and it was painfully sad. Theres so much confusion to what love is when you grow up to “abusive love”. Luckily I think I’ve gotten a hang of this love thing, although I’m always suspicious of people being nice to me and their motives. I don’t feel I deserve it and don’t know why they’re even doing it…I understand why they aren’t very nice. My angry outbursts, my manipulation, my depression, whatever I get from people that’s negative I don’t question it, I take it. Love is something some of us need to learn to accept or even understand and for some they may never learn what it really is.

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