November 21, 2010

Well from the last post you can tell what a disgusting little shit I am. God, shouldn’t I be executed. No, I shouldnt be dissapointed at all, no surprises at all, it’s how I see myself when I’m in utter deep depression but I didn’t know so much that others saw me that way too! I’m always enemy number 1 in my world, I can’t get things right, I’m just a general big fuck up. And a pitiful one at that. I shouldn’t expect good things because then I’ll only be unhappy. I regret promising not to hurt myself really because now the only punishment is not being able to be punished and I’m sure so many would love to beat me as my parents loved to for being such a “useless child” as they would say. Give me an excuse to do something crazy or put the mental bitch down. This week 2 people in my life died, I found a dead cat in the road and my dad’s CPN is leaving so I can joyfully be his carer for the rest of his awful life. And I deserve it all, I don’t deserve to feel anything for these things, why should I be allowed to cry. Useless and disgusting.

One comment

  1. Wow It so weird to read what I feel coming from someone else. it feels good to know I am not alone.

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