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A reason to pull through. Feeling Alien.

December 9, 2010

This here, this is a human boy. You know him as J. Isn’t he beautiful?

Now J is very unique you see, he was the first non family male to tell me that he loved me. First kiss, first anything you can relate to relationships. As a smitten and obsessive teenager I thought after about a month, “that’s it we’ll get married and have babies and my life will be complete” never did I realise my childish fantasy would in a few years time actually be a potential reality. How strange that it would seem true. When good things happen I think “yeah I freaking deserve this after all the crap I’ve been put through for nothing!”

Although, without the crap, I wouldn’t be here now, writing this. He really does keep me going, whenever I feel down he just makes it all feel better. Even if he’s the one who’s made me mad, I can’t stay mad for long at all. He makes me feel safe, something I’ve never felt before.

Something that just popped into my head. I’m very different in how I feel about family and I think It’s because of my 6 years in the Mormon church, which I don’t regret in the slightest, it’s been a learning experience and I still honour a lot of values from it. I don’t understand the “having a life” before having a family, the phrase doesn’t sit right with me. If someone is adament to have a family then why not? I know it means travelling and being free to do what you want yet I have no desire to go wild and independently travel the planet. I want to have life experiences with a husband, grow WITH someone else throughout my life. Share everything. And then start a family, definately before 30. I couldn’t imagine waiting that long when it’s something I have my heart set on, whatever for? I don’t want to be a career woman who gets herself to the top of the ladder and then when she has kids will only put them in daycare only to continue to work. I want to be there with my children for the first few years of their lives to see everything, not just a couple of milestones. I want to be a mother. When I have children I intend on being as much as a housewise as I can be, it’s so much harder nowadays due to finance but I want to be there for my children as much as I can be.

I feel so different. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Please don’t judge me for wanting a young family. It doesn’t feel young to me at all. It feels, right. Normal. It’s what J wants too.  Sure we’re young we don’t know what we want. What a load of rubbish, I’ve suffered enough to know what will make me happy and what won’t. I think the family has gotten lost in a way, people are waiting longer to have children, they’re concentrating more on careers and that means that the only young families people seem to see are those that are unplanned. Maybe there are some of us who plan to have a family “early” but I’d rather that than it being too late. Some of us are more mature than you think and we can do it 🙂 Just you watch!

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4 comments

  1. Love. This. Post. xxx


  2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with what is now considerd a young family (ie children before 30) if you are in a loving and committed relationship, which you clearly are. A good friend of mine got married 3 and a half years ago, when she was 26, and is now 30 and has 2 children, and is very happy. I, on the other hand, couldn’t possibly imagine having children in my 20s, and I don’t even know if I ever want them. But everyone is different. Also, people do tend to be having children much later now than they used to, but I think that is largely because of women having careers more often now and wanting to get started with that first, but if that isn’t a priority for you then there is no reason not to have a family young. My mum was 23 when she had her first child, and 25 when she had her second, and 29 when she had her third. She then had a 12 year gap and had me at 41 😉 Whatever is right for you is good. xxx


  3. If the time feels right, than the time is right. Especially if you both agree. 🙂 Choosing to be a stay at home mom is one of the most rewarding jobs a woman could have. Some woman just are not made that way and being around their kids all day, everyday, would drive their personality batty…but some, like you and I and many others…I wouldn’t have it any other way. I worked when the kids were little but had flexibility and the kids needs always came first. I also worked a seasonal job that meant they spent days at daycare during the warm months and than were stuck in the house with me all winter. I just couldn’t do it anymore and I have taken on the role of full time mom since last fall. AND I LOVE IT!!!!
    The best to both you and Jordan and looking forward to following your journey into marriage and pregnancy 🙂 AGE DOES NOT MAKE A DIFFERENCE….IT IS YOUR HEART THAT WILL BE GRIPPED WITH THE DESIRE TO BE BLESSED WITH GOD’S GREATEST GIFT.



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