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A-d-d-d-diction: TRIGGER WARNING. -J

December 15, 2010

The first things that always comes to mind are hard drugs and alcohol, sometimes extending towards sex/prostitutes/gambling (i.e. the glamorous life ;] ) but it’s the quiet ones; the simple, succulent subtle self-services that keep our days ticking over. Well all have them, don’t deny it…..

What’s yer poison?”

*SNAP*

It’s gone. It’s all gone, you feel EVERYTHING closing down, falling in, it’s all lots it’s all gone. GONE.  Look up, see the sky, see it shrink – feel the sunlight leave your skin……… nothing left…….

Think about that for a moment; really think about it. Now imagine it, imagine how it would feel to lose the most important thing that’s been keeping you going for a very very, long time.

That’s when people realise, that’s when they see what has happened – you’re dependant. You’re utterly, completely, undeniably dependant on that one thing, that one key vice that you’ve physically and mentally bound yourself too in order to prop yourself up in the swirling storm of life.

Then all can see the perfectly pinnacle point of pressure released all at once when you lose your vice. Viciously vicarious, you wish you could replace – yet only to find an equally seductive replacement.

So you’re dependant? So you freaked out like all hell was breaking loose and freezing over at the same damn time when you lost your one deliciously dependant lifeline and guess what? It’s your fault. It’s always your fault.

At least, that’s what other people will tell you, that’s what they’ll think and you can bet that’s what they’ll believe too.

Why? Ignorance; where? Anywhere it occurs; what? Well anything, you’re clearly a bad person to be so dependant on anything; who? Anyone, it doesn’t matter, people think they know – they think they can tell; when? The instant it becomes apparent – and it will become apparent.

People see the consequences not the causes because consequences are easy to see, easy to spot and easy to assume the cause of.

Alcoholism? – Clearly an alcoholic drunk, they made a specific decision to become dependant on the devil’s breath and they must, therefore, suffer the full consequences.

Or not? Perhaps? Free will has it’s part to pay of course, there was at some point in example A’s life when they decided hmm, maybe if I have another drink, it will make my day that bit better. Then the next day, then the day after that and before you know it; you’re dependant. You need to have your fix because if you don’t you don’t want to keep existing without it and the only thing other people see is how it’s your fault for deciding to become addicted, you clearly aren’t mentally and physically capable enough to control your own life and surroundings and thus don’t deserve to have full control over them.

Which came first? The chicken or the egg…

My point being it’s never that clear cut and only myopic fools consider their instantaneous judgement of such a complex situation to be instantly correct. Sure, people become addicted and lose control of their life. Yet similarly: Sure, people have had control over their life taken from them. Now how easy is it to decide which came first?

What is addiction? It is a defence mechanism, as common as any other, inherent in every human being on the planet.  So you’re saying people that becoming addicted to a certain something are doing it because they’re under attack?

Why yes, yes I am. Addiction is a defence mechanism because it is a Coping mechanism; it internalises any and potentially all problems we are unable to resolve normally by any means and thus ignore, or just aggravate unconsciously – resulting in addiction. With things out of your control, you find something you can control to give you ever essence of release you are in dire need of because you’ve tried and you sure can’t find it anywhere else. Yet only when you’re waist-deep in the glorious glorious freedom of addictive release do you realise – you can’t get out and as soon as that addiction goes nothing can get out. You kick and you scream and you sue the world for all it’s wonders just for that next delicate drop of release.

People CAN control how they act but so can other people too. You can’t look at one person’s problems objectively without looking at least five other’s too. That is because as a social species, we are constantly interconnect and interacting with each other.

“Where mister, are you getting your facts?”

Why from observation of course – and the sad sad truth of personal experience.

So people can cause other people to find other, unconventional methods of dealing with someone else’s problems forced, unknowingly, upon them. Then it is a downward spiral and only when you’re halfway on your way to doom and despair do people realise that something is amiss – and then they blame it wholly-incorrectly on the addictee.

Addictions can be broken, you can escape and the point I’m trying to make is keep trying. Search for help where you can find it and where you may have the slightest inkling that your confidant may understand. That’s what’s helping me, and there are more than one (although not that many more…) and they can do their best to help salvage your situation and tackle the real problems, you know the kind of people I’m on about and if you don’t…. open your eyes and realise that they’re already there, just waiting for you to reach out.

Addiction is one of the few real tragedies in life and the blame is almost always impossible to pinpoint entirely; nor is it ever usually sensible to even try. Addiction can be beaten but first it must be understood. Once and only once you know your enemy in it’s entirety can it be stood up on two feat and defeated finally.

It may never leave, it’s rotting corpse may haunt your memories, I know that those explosive moments when you fought for freedom will continue to scare the living daylights out of you but I also know that they will pass and they will fade. I know that as you begin to fully appreciate your situation that you can begin to conquer it and that as you do, that rotting corpse of what was once that most sweet sweet joyous release will fade, ever further into your past as you step up and step forwards into the rest of your life. Free from addiction.

Yes assertively assailing assonance is assuredly one of mine most actively appraised addictions. It is small and may it never end.

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3 comments

  1. I would really like permission to read this to our young adult mood disorder group called Fresh Hope if you give me the okay! This was wonderfully written and the information a must to know for us all.

    Peace and Love
    Tammy


  2. Feel free ^^ If I’d have known it would’ve been used for a youth group I wouldda made it a lot shorter lol 😀

    Happy Hunting! ^^


  3. […] of a Maybe Borderline has a thought post on addiction and dependency. The first things that always comes to mind are hard drugs and alcohol, sometimes extending towards […]



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