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The comfort penguin.

February 5, 2011

When you have recurring feelings of emptiness and lonliness, sometimes the last thing you want is a human who can’t understand how you feel. I had a session with Dr L where I spoke of my night terror/panic attacks and my need for comfort in the night. I sleep with a light on and my door locked, my duvet up to my neck. I just don’t feel safe at night, this is where the problem comes, as J and I currently aren’t living together I can’t turn to him for comfort and reassurance and Dr L suggested that I have something to hug in the night so that I feel safer. I of course said “but aren’t I too old to have a cuddly toy in bed with me?”, she said that any technique that would stop me feeling fearful was worth it and that with my childhood robbed from me, I have a right to be a child sometimes. So off me and J went to Hamleys to look for a cuddly companion for me, I didn’t want a teddy bear, their stances mean that their legs go in to your stomach if you hold them, plus I wanted something different. I then saw this soft lovely beaked creature and when I picked it up and held it I couldn’t put it back, it was perfect. Soft, protecting and reassuring.

And here he is:

Even when me and J are living together I can still see myself having Pengy with me, It’s silly really how safe an inanimate can make me feel but it’s like when a child has an object that keeps them safe. I believe that with BPD there is a part of us that is still a child, that is yearning to have those comforts that children have because we never experienced them at the right time. I took pengy to my grandmas when I stayed there a week ago and unfortunately left him there so my sleep hasn’t been the best and I’ve actually become quite distressed without him, I hope this doesn’t become a problem and that I can get him back soon.

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7 comments

  1. Pengy is ace. I hope he’s back with you soon. I kind of ralate as when my partner is away I can’t sleep unless the house is ultra secure. And I always let the dogs sleep upstairs (yeah, I’ll admit it, in bed with me) because it does make me feel so much safer. But even then I’ll often sleep with the light on! For me I don’t see it as being childish – though I gues at nearly 30 most people may disagree – I “blame” my excellent imagination that can conjure monsters from the simplest background noises.


  2. I am in my mid-twenties and still sleep with a stuffy. Anything that makes you comfortable, would be better than being awake at night from anxiety/night terros/panic attacks. So good that you found a cute stuffy that will hopefully keep you safe.


  3. I have BPD too and Bipolar. I hate the night, I’m always freaked out that their are ghosts or similar in my room- I’m 31! Having a dog has always helped me, but I mainly just traipse downstairs with my quilt now and fall asleep with the TV on- something funny like Friends or Will & Grace. Sleep like a baby then!


  4. […] of a Maybe Borderline has acquired a therapeutic penguin, which is a phrase I never thought I’d be typing today. I just don’t feel safe at night, […]


  5. I had to smile when I saw this on TWIM, my friend bought me a very large penguin for Christmas, although I only got him last week… he’s called Percy and resides in bed with me!


  6. Penguin!

    *Flaps and bounces and waddles around the room*

    I have a, erm, slight obsession with penguins, so completely approve of your choice. Both me and my husband have teddies to sleep with (I also have a heatable penguin) so we don’t think it’s weird- it’s the rest of the world that is 😛


  7. PEEENGYYYYYY!!!!!!!! 😀



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