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Children’s movies and bright eyes.

August 28, 2011

I often notice my inner child come out with I’m with my husband. He allows me to be a child and not feel embarrassed. I can watch children’s TV and cuddle a toy and he will stroke my hair and let me feel comforted. It may sound strange but my therapists have all said for me to have some time to be a child.  I don’t have many cuddly toys but my therapist told me to buy one special toy to have as a comfort. He is a wonderful penguin and he is a great healer and comforter. When I’m feeling upset my husband always brings him to me. It sounds strange even reading it to myself. I really am quite emotionally immature.

People with borderline personality disorder do have the emotional intelligence of a child due to things that may have happened to them. We may lack understanding due to confusion when we are actually children. Personally for me I had two very contrasting and chaotic parents, one parent is sex obsessed and lives on porn and the other thinks anything sexual is bad and wrong, for example. What does a child believe? Now imagine that happens with a lot of other life lessons, contrasting views, where each parent may change their view from one second to the next. Your mind gets scrambled and when you grow up you try and think what you believe but then you aren’t so sure. And with parents like that it is almost impossible to ever be a child. You have to be the adult and I was the only adult in my household. I took care of them.

Most of my family would think it weird or stupid if they knew J indulged in me acting like a child. But it’s not like I go out in public in children’s clothing and wear a dummy, I just allow myself to regress into a childlike state to experience the comfort from J that I never got as a child. When I’m in that state of mind I love watching children’s movies and my eyes light up with excitement when I see a pretty princess or a talking turtle, I sometimes even point and say “look darling that turtle talks!” almost in a child’s voice. It’s such a wonderful feeling. It can also block out the things that are happening around me because I’m a child so they no longer concern me. These behaviours have never worried me because they’ve never lasted for an extended period or to a worrying extent. I’m just able to enjoy being young. Surely when you’ve had no childhood it’s natural to try and be a child when you are out of the situation that took your childhood from you. I have a nice balance though because I am always very adult any other time but as soon as I get to watch a good cartoon or kid’s movie I have the childhood I wasn’t allowed! I hope to watch a turtle’s tale later 🙂

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4 comments

  1. I totally concurr, and think it is a brilliant and.understandible way to cope with being robbed of a childhood. Nothing daft or weird about it. I still cry in Bambi, and believe that my strong empathy for animals and people came from.an innocent belief in talking animals, magic and fairies. We need this role play to exchange sympathy with others.

    X


  2. A is like this with me too. Curiously, the reverse is also true – I am like that with A at times. We both have childish (in the literal, rather than pejorative, sense) traits, ways of speaking and whatnot at times, and allow each other to be that way.

    I’d be mortified if anyone in real life (besides you…after all, we have met!) knew about this, but I think it can be healthy to express it in certain circumstances. I particularly agree re: BPD – since it’s often developed from trauma (abuse in my case, psychological neglect the impact of your father’s psychosis in yours), to all intents and purposes you have to be an adult when you’re a kid. So it’s not so bad to be a kid at times when you’re an adult 🙂

    Take care hun

    P xxx


  3. […] of this phenomenon – Maybe Borderline reflects on her similar mannerisms with her husband here. Though I am nine years old than […]


  4. […] Borderline writes about her inner child I often notice my inner child come out with I’m with my husband. He allows me to be a child and […]



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