Defeating the Bipolar monster.

November 21, 2011

My dad has improved so much. It’s been about three months now he’s been in hospital. I had avoided calling and talking to him since the move because it would make me very emotionally distressed and he would often become abusive if I refused to come and visit him that second. But I decided to call him and I am glad I did. He is so much better. I didn’t realise how much it really affected me because after hearing his voice coherent and well it made me feel a lot more emotionally stable. In 3 months I had visited about 7 times and that was even too much for me. It was very upsetting and distressing and J often told me I shouldn’t feel pressured into going because It’s no use making myself unwell when he may not remember my visit.When someone you love is mentally unwell and hospitalised for a long time you can feel like you have lost them. And you do lose them, you can lose the person completely, they are not the same anymore. But recovery is something different. When the person recovers it’s like being told that there was a mistake, the body they found wasn’t who they thought it was and the person you love is infact alive.

Family members would often make me feel pressured into visiting saying “oh it must be so hard for him”, of course it’s hard for him but it’s also hard for family. In the rush of it all loved ones of the person who is ill often get forgotten and there isn’t enough support for them. And with myself being mentally unwell too it makes it especially difficult. My illness becomes worse. For the past 3 months it was easier for me to pretend that my parents didn’t exist because they were both causing me so much stress it was making me sick. But to hear my dad’s voice, clear and okay made me want to cry. My daddy is back and I’m so scared of losing him again. The stability of my parents, even if I’m not living with them anymore, dictates my own stability. We all want to know that if things go wrong we have a stable family behind us to fall back on.

Fighting the Bipolar Monster is so hard and it can take people away but remember it can be fought and they aren’t lost forever.


One comment

  1. Ola! Maybeborderline,
    Thanks for the above, 5 long years have passed and I have arrive to know bipolar disorder and the mania experience particularly effectively. However not my good friend … it has not in fact been my enemy for a really lengthy time.

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