When illness is your life then sometimes a “good day” can be rare and I can say I don’t have many good days. My days are filled with irritability, so I try and go out to release the irritability but it only makes me more irritable and anxious. Last night I was in the most foul mood because once again I couldn’t sleep so I did some crazy painting, my counsillor says doing things I enjoy when I can’t sleep is like rewarding myself for not sleeping but the last thing I want to do when I’m in a foul mood is stuff I don’t enjoy. Woke up with paints on my bed and blue and red blotches on my right arm, brilliant 😀 Wish i could wake up like that more often. Was meant to go out today, didn’t happen the heat means I have my fan on all night which is resulting in a never ending cold and waking up feeling like crap.
I started writing this the other day when I did have a good day but I guess I’ll just have to have it as a memory now…not that I have a memory. It was a hot day and I was having a nap on the carpet with my boyfriend with the fan blowing, bliss. The carpet always seems to be cooler. It was a good day because I could sleep, it wasn’t too hot and I only cried once! Hooray.
Another dissapointment today, but wasn’t too drastic, hopefully can book a holiday soon. I’m drowning my sorrows with rootbeer and I might make a cake. Today is an “okay day”. My next good day will be soon hopefully…if not this weekend or the next then when I can book my holiday. Although I’m still waiting for the painful crying, upset bit first where I don’t know if it will happen. When you know what emotions to expect you can at least control them, or just not bother and smash something instead, much more fun!
Tata for now xx